The Art of Gift Giving

What constitutes a good gift? Does cost play a factor? Would sentiment win overall?

Hi, my name is Denali (but on this blog I go by D. J.) and I consider myself a master gift-giver. The surprising clincher? The gifts I give are bought on a budget. Some things are second hand (I always give them a thorough cleaning!), others are from the dollar store, some things are homemade. It's no secret that I love a good deal, but, to me, the heart of gift giving is the reason and sentiment behind the gift.

I am an INFJ (if you don't know your Myer-Briggs personality type go take the quiz), which means I'm introverted, feeling, and judgmental (but not in a demeaning or condemning way). When I first took the test I was kind of offended and thought that judgmental meant that I was perceived as demeaning and/or condemning (I definitely did have those personality traits as a teenager, but have worked really hard over the past 10 years to redirect and become a nicer person:). Now I see this judgmental character as a positive, because I use my judgment to weigh options/decisions; I am able to read a room and pick up on emotions; I am able to glimpse the future, in a way. Because of this unique characteristic I am able to pick up on emotions and desires of people (not in a gross or nasty way). which obviously goes hand in hand with feelings. These characteristics help me in gift giving.

I'm also a really good listener. Family and friends find that I'm easy to talk to. I pay attention during discussions and random chats. I often find that during chats a friend might mention a gift they'd like to receive/an item that would be useful or an experience they'd like to have. I make a mental note and then later make a note on my phone.

I like to plan ahead. My family jokes that I start my Christmas shopping in July (in reality I'm usually already done by the 1st week of August, last year I ended a little later, but had everything gathered by the 3rd week of August). Time is your best friend when it comes to gift giving.

I want to share a few recent experiences with gift giving. Let me start with Christmas of 2019. I have been attending university about 2,000 miles away from home. I hadn't been home since Christmas of 2017. I had sent my dad a t-shirt from my university either for his birthday or Father's Day (in 2018) and I think I'd sent some magnets and/or postcards to my family when I first started attending that university (in 2017). I had seen pictures on social media of families decked out in university t-shirts and swag, so I decided that I wanted to do that for my family (this decision was made in the beginning of 2019). I don't go to an Ivy League or "big" university, but, like most college apparel, each piece can be pricey. I decided that each pay check I would buy 1 apparel item (I needed a total of 8 t-shirts). So, I made a list of everyone's t-shirt (I let my mom in on my plan and she let me know everyone's t-shirt sizes). I made 1 purchase per paycheck, since I didn't do this all at once I was able to avoid paying full price AND I was able to find a better selection, with t-shirt designs that best fit each family member. I made my last purchase the week that fall semester started (3rd week of August). When I went home for Christmas I think my mom had actually forgotten that I bought t-shirts for everyone. It was really fun to see everyone open up their gifts and it's fun to know that now we all have "matching" (none of the designs were the same) university t-shirts.

I'll share another Christmas story at the very end. It's become my favorite gift-giving story!

A few months ago I created a "birthday gift" list on Amazon. I made it private so no one else can see it. I found things that I can give to my family and friends. Amazon lists let you put a note next to the item, so I made a note of when I would need to order the gift, so that it can get to my family member or friend in time for his/her birthday. This works for some gifts, but not all.

My number one love language is quality time. I'm typing this while we're in the midst of quarantine because of COVID-19. Obviously being quarantine means I can't just pop over to a friend's house for a game or movie night. So, I found something else. When I hear the words "girls night" I think of pizza, a Hallmark movie, facials, painting nails, and ice cream. That isn't possible right now. So, I decided to gift myself (and my friends) a virtual girls night! I discovered that Kneader's Bakery & Cafe has cookie decorating kits. I contacted some of my gal pals and asked if they'd each want to order a cookie decorating kit and then have a video chat while decorating. They said YES! It was not what we're used to, but there was a ton of laughter, random conversations, and lots of sugar. I shared that experience on my social media sites and some other friends asked me questions about it and then went on to have their own girls nights or family nights whilst decorating cookies! :)

Don't you love it when you and your best friend get mistaken for siblings? (My siblings are some of my best friends :) but this story is about a friend here at university.) We'd known each other for a while, we knew each other's quirks, we'd even been roommates for a semester. We also have a mutual love for Hallmark movies and Christmas. Near the end of summer/early fall one of us (I think it was her) mentioned that she was excited for the holiday season, because there's nothing cozier than cuddling up in sweats, a warm beverage, a large blanket, and putting on a Hallmark show (I couldn't agree more:). I knew then what I was going to get her for Christmas. Thank you Amazon for coming in clutch.

I love it when gift giving inspires others. I think THAT is the heart and soul of gift giving.

Do you want to hear my FAVORITE gift giving/receiving experience? Let me preface this first. I work in a library (and it is basically my dream job:). Although we process new books to put on the shelves there are a lot of books in our collection that are no longer being used (I work at the university's library, so the demographics of people using the library are different than at a public library), so we discard books that are no longer being checked out. These books are placed on a cart near the front entrance and are free for people to take. Sometime last year (2019) I was at the library to study (I work part-time and am a full-time student) and decided to peruse the cart of discarded items. I happened across a book with a beautiful cover.

I ALWAYS read the synopsis on the back cover, but for some reason I didn't with this one. I just knew I'd like it, so I took it home and put it on my bookshelf, with the other 10 or so books I wanted to read.  I don't remember what month it was that I got this book, but I know it was before August. Months passed and one day I decided to do some de-cluttering. I went through my clothes and other belongings. When I went through my books I finally read the synopsis of this one.

From the bestselling author of The Silence of God comes a new LDS historical novel that reveals the harrowing true story of a former general in the Chinese army who became one of the first converts to the Church in Hong Kong. This compelling drama unfolds through the eyes of a teenage girl, Wen-shan who was taken from her family home in mainland China during the Cultural Revolution to live with her great-uncle the former general. For ten years, Wen-shan has carried the sorrow of abandonment in her heart, with few memories of her life before. But at the death of Chairman Mao, Wen-shan receives a mysterious wooden box that reveals the fate of the family she has not heard from in more than a decade. Through the letters in the jade dragon box, Wen-shan and her great-uncle discover a bond between each other, their family, and the gospel of Jesus Christ.

When I brought this book home months prior I figured it was a story based in an Asian country but that was my only assumption. When I read this synopsis I was blown away! I'm LDS! My mom served her mission (18 months teaching people about Jesus, God, and the gospel) in Hong Kong! After reading the synopsis I decided to give the book to my mom for Christmas (in addition to the university t-shirt that I'd already bought for her). When she opened it on Christmas morning she was really excited to read it. A few weeks (or months, I don't really remember) later I remember she told me that she and my youngest sister had read it and really liked it. And then I forgot about it.

Fast forward to today, April 20, 2020. I received a belated Easter box from my family: a treasure trove of sweet things.

I got handwritten letters from my each of my parents and siblings that live in Alaska. Seriously, so sweet. (Yes, I happy cried.)

In my mom's letter she told me that she and the youngest sister loved reading Letters in the Jade Dragon Box. They found inspiration in it, so they decided to get me a keepsake box and will try to send me letters once a month that I can add to my box! You guys, how sweet, cute, thoughtful is that??

When I gave that book to my mom I didn't know the plot of the story (I honestly forgot the title and simply remembered that it was historical and based in Hong Kong). I had not intention of receiving anything, other than a thank you. But I was genuinely surprised to open this package and see how that Christmas gift impacted our lives. I am so excited for this new adventure (I get to be pen pals with my mom and little sister!!!) and to think, this came about because of an thoughtful Christmas gift.

Fun fact: I kept EVERY letter that was sent to me on my mission (I was in Arizona for 18 months) and they're in a decorative box that originally had stationery in it (yet another amazing gift from my mom). Those postcards and letters are some of my most prized possessions, because, you guessed it, my 2nd love language is words of affirmations.

What is the art of gift giving? Knowing that it's not about money, or presentation, or grandeur. Gift giving is a matter of the heart. Know the person that you're giving a gift to, let the gift speak to them and show them that you love them and value their existence. That seems like a big mission for a gift to take on. The key to it is simple: let inspiration guide you.

                                                  Be intentional in your gift giving. 

I hope this finds you well and safe.

Let me know what your favorite gift giving and gift receiving experiences have been!

Love,

D. J. Lathrop