The Role of the Atonement of Jesus Christ in Mental Health

My little brother, Brigham, returned from his mission on Tuesday of last week. He served faithfully for 13 months and 6 days. His full story isn’t mine to share, but I’ve been giving permission to share a few things with y’all.

Depression runs in our family. I’ve been in and out of my family’s house since 2011, so I wasn’t around

for most of my brother’s teenage years, otherwise I might have seen the signs sooner. 

Many of us will experience episodes of anxiety and/or depression. Several of us will have anxiety,

depression, or some form of mental illness accompany us for a good portion of our lives.

I have been battling anxiety and depression for most of my life, but it wasn’t diagnosed until December

of 2013. A lot of things in my life seemed to have fallen out of place, while others fell right where they

needed to.

I had been in the mission field for 7 months. I thought that being a missionary meant that God would

take care of all my problems..

He did. But not in the time that I expected.

A few days before Christmas of 2013 I went to my first therapy appointment. It’s the best Christmas present that I could have given myself!

Many of us have heard the phrase “through cloud and sunshine, Lord, abide with me,” but what does it

mean? Sister Reyna Aburto’s talk from October 2019 General Conference provides some insight, “Black clouds may … form in our lives, which can blind us to God’s light and even cause us to question if that light exists for us anymore. Some of those clouds are of depression, anxiety, and other forms of mental and emotional affliction. They can distort the way we perceive ourselves, others, and even God. They affect [men and women] … of all ages in all corners of the world.”

Some of you may not have experienced these feelings for yourselves. I invite you to consider what

Sister Aburto says next, “Likewise damaging is the desensitizing cloud of skepticism that can affect others who have not experienced these challenges. Like any part of the body, the brain is subject to illnesses, trauma, and chemical imbalances. When our minds are suffering, it is appropriate to seek help from God, from those around us, and from medical and mental health professionals.” 

In his recent Conference talk “Consistent and Resilient Trust” Elder L. Todd Budge asked, “Have the difficulties of life ever made it hard for you to breathe and caused you to wonder how you can make it through the day, let alone make it back to your heavenly home?” I asked a similar question during my first therapy appointment, while on my mission. I was blessed to be able to use the then LDS Family Services department, so my therapy sessions were spiritually centered.

The first assignment that my therapist gave me was to read Elder Jeffrey R. Holland’s talk “Like a Broken

Vessel”. To this day it remains one of the most influential Conference talks in my life. As I studied this

talk I learned a lot about myself. And about our Saviour.

I had already recognized that my mental illnesses were out of my control and that my thoughts had

turned negative. Anxiety started to take over my life. But rather than let it consume me, as I had in the past, I turned to my Saviour. Because I finally understood and accepted that I couldn’t do this alone.  That is when my true conversion started.

I began to glimpse the love that my Heavenly Parents and my Saviour have for me.

As I practiced repentance and asked DAILY for divine help, I learned that the Atonement of

Jesus Christ was real. I could feel and see it working in my life.

Sister Aburto provides a powerful reminder, “As disciples of Jesus Christ, we have made a covenant with God that we “are willing to bear one another’s burdens” and “to mourn with those that mourn.” This may include becoming informed about emotional illnesses, finding resources that can help address these struggles, … bringing ourselves and others to help address these struggles, and ultimately bringing ourselves to Christ, who is the Master Healer. Even if we do not know how to relate to what others are going through,validating that their pain is real can be an important first step in finding understanding and healing.” 

A few years ago, I was pondering the purpose of life and wrote the following: God is constant. Existence is constant. Change is constant. Everything else is simply a variable in a myriad of events and exchanges.

Elder Jorge M. Alvardo said, “No matter the obstacles we face in life, we can trust that Jesus Christ will prepare a way forward as we walk with faith. God has promised that all who live according to the covenants they have made with Him will, in His time, receive all His promised blessings.”

And, as Elder Holland taught, “Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come.” 

Sometimes, reflecting and pondering upon our trials brings clarity and peace. On the same night that I pondered about the purpose of life, I received the following revelation:

●      Because of my depression, I have come closer to God.

●      Because of my anxiety, I am a deep thinker.

●      Because of my depression, I feel things deeply. For a while I closed myself off completely

and felt no emotions. But life is for the joy and sorrow, happiness and heartache, laughter and

tears. I don’t want to miss out on that.

●      Because of my anxiety, I notice things that others don’t.

●      Because of my anxiety, I better understand my body and its physical ailments. I can

also identify triggers of my panic attacks and tactfully face them head on.

Through my patriarchal blessing and priesthood blessings that I have received over the years I have

been encouraged to gain a greater appreciation for the arts. To “take delight in the physical beauty of the earth … in the music and art that expresses the best in mortal beings”. I’ve been writing songs for years. It brings clarity to my life and is therapeutic for me. On my mission I was able to preserve my testimony and the experiences that helped it to grow, through songs. They are some of my most prized and sacred possessions.

Four weeks ago, during my weekly chats with my brother, we talked about his mental health. He’d reached out and was getting help. The talk we had that day will remain one of my favorite conversations that I’ve ever had with him. We were both so open and vulnerable. Our souls spoke to one another and provided comfort that neither knew we needed.

A few hours later I spoke to his mission president’s wife and asked if I could come to the mission office

a few days later to drop off a birthday gift for my brother. The mission president’s wife asked if I wanted to take my brother and his companion out to lunch instead. Of course, I said, YES!”

4 days later, as I was on my way to Salt Lake, I received the news that my brother had talked to his

mission president and they decided that it was best for him to leave his proselytizing mission. My heart broke. I knew that conversation must have been hard for my brother. I’d had a similar conversation with my mission president. I knew that calling home and talking to our parents must have been hard, because they haven’t experienced mental illness in the way that my brother and I have. I thought of what people would say about him coming home early. At this point, only the immediate family knew that he was battling a mental illness. I thought of how hard it would be for him to return to Alaska during wintertime, as the nights become longer and the sun will hardly shine. My heart ached for him.

So, I turned to the one person I knew could help me. I took time, on the side of the road, to communicate with my Heavenly Father. I asked for the strength and support that only He and my Savior could provide me. I sat in the car and cried. Tears of sadness, joy, worry, contentment, gratitude. The week had already been hard with midterms and some personal things, so I’d turned off my emotions early in the week. But I let them flow freely then. It was a little piece of Heaven.

I also reached out to some of my closest friends and people from church; people that I knew would support me and my family in our time of need.

Later that night I had the opportunity to participate in proxy sealings in the Salt Lake Temple. As I sat in the sealing room I could feel God’s love, for me and for every human being. My time in the Celestial Room after that was a sacred and truly beautiful experience.

I poured my heart out to God.

As I expressed my concerns, asked for forgiveness of my shortcomings, and talked with God about

my plans for the future, I knew that I was exactly where I needed to be. And that things were happening exactly how they were supposed to for my brother, for me, and for my entire family.

My little brother will have many more trials to go through in his life, especially with depression and

mental health. In the coming months he will have to find a balance as he continues doing the Lord’s work on his service mission and adjusts to “real life”. He will have to identify new triggers and therefore find some new de-stressors. He will need to ask for help, both divine and physical.

My anxiety goes through the roof when I think of what he has already gone through and some of the things that are yet to come, but I know that Christ and Heavenly Father will support and sustain him, because He has sustained me in my times of need AND in my times of plenty.

It is because of these experiences and many others that I am who I am today. My mental illnesses may appear to be a hardship, perhaps even a curse. They certainly don’t make life easy.. I like to call them my hardest curse, but also my greatest blessing. My mental illnesses have led me to find my life work in teaching and in writing. 

Without my experiences with mental illnesses I would not be publishing my first book later this month, about mental health and how to help those who struggle to be understood.

Because of my own experiences with mental health and with the power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ I am able to better support my brother and my family during this season of transition and of trial.

Let us end close to where we began.

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland counseled, “So how do you best respond when mental or emotional challenges confront you or those you love? Above all, never lose faith in your Father in Heaven, who loves you more than you can comprehend.” And “believe in miracles”. Because they exist. The Godhead and the miracles that they allow to come forth are what will get you and your loved one(s) through the dark episodes. The miracles are what will heal us, if we choose to see them. 

Of this I bear witness in the name of my Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ, AMEN.