Wanting a Family

I have great parents and siblings... but I'd really love to start a family of my own.

{This post also showcases some of my favorite love songs!}

This is something that I've been struggling with lately. I have a hard time maintaining friendships. So, the idea of maintaining a romantic relationship with a man?? Frightening.
Fear is a very big factor of my life.
And stress.
And shutting people out.

Wow. That's a lot of negativity..... and not how I want to live my life. So, I'm trying to actively work on those things. I won't go into details, but I have goals and actions I'm doing to help me accomplish those goals. I'm trying to work through these things, because I know that they will build me up and help me to become the person that God needs and wants me to be. This is who I want to be!

A few people have said some things to me recently. That really struck me, right in the heart chords. Kinda felt like a dagger.. (Okay, okay, too much drama. Moving on) They weren't received quite the way that they were intended, but they are still thought provoking.

Fact:
I cry. A LOT. I'm a sensitive person. Sometimes I overthink things and the tears start rolling.. and it's hard to stop them.
That happened yesterday. Someone said something jokingly and I tried to take the comment in stride (I did mention to the sayer that it was like a dagger to the heart) and move on to another topic.

But then, a 1 hour commute home was ahead of me. I wasn't driving. I was tired and wanted to take a nap. But my mind started racing about homework, my to-do list, cleaning, blogging, etc. And then that comment came back into my mind.. and I bawled THE ENTIRE WAY HOME. (I've got silent crying down pat.)

I would love to find someone to love. It would be amazing to be loved. But it's not my time for that. Which I sometimes have a hard time accepting.

Love isn't easy. Heck, loving my own family ain't easy some times. Especially when all us siblings are hollering and talking over one another. Or we're just downright annoying. :/

If loving blood relatives is hard and you have to work with them to improve your relationship doesn't it make sense that you also have to work for other relationships?

Life is all about learning from one another. Improving ourselves as we help others. Or some times we allow others to assist us in doing hard things! Support and communication.. 2 things that you can't go through life without.. you can try, but it ain't gonna be pretty!

Now, I recognize that starting a family takes 2 people. A man and a woman. Committing to one another that through joys and sorrows, sickness and health, poverty and wealth, etc. they will work through things together.

Wow! That's huge!! A foundation of trust, love, respect, and admiration holds such a relationship. Hopefully God is involved as well. (I'll talk more about His role in relationships later..)

Love takes time. It doesn't come right away. I think some people try to rush it, but don't realize the effects that it may have. On the relationship, as well as individually.

Obviously I'm not a dating guru. I haven't been on many dates. Sometimes that surprises people, but most people don't really care.

The dates that I have been on? #NoRegrets

All were worthwhile. I only have 1 "bad" dating story, but that's to be expected, right?!

I am picky, but I don't toss men to the side or trample over them. I feel like I'm a good judge of character. And I know my 'must-haves'. I try to get to know a guy and give him an honest chance. (I really hope he's doing the same for me!)

I really hate when people talk about my love life. 

"It just isn't your time yet."

"There's someone out there for you.."

"You're so great! Why don't you have a boyfriend?"

"You just have to be more assertive!"

"Do you just not know how to flirt?"

"So..... any prospects???"

I know that they're cheering me on and want me to have that opportunity, but..... 

Well, I could put a lot of excuses here. For not wanting your sympathy. Or help. Or love. Or advice. 

Here's the thing. I don't like when people try to tell me how to fix a problem when I don't ask for help. Or if they bring up dating and make some of the comments above. (I know that you mean well. And I do love you for it!!) But, please let it be on my terms and in my timing.

I don't know why I'm single. Why I don't have a family of my own yet. I've had my heart broken a few times and I've broken a few hearts.

I know some really wonderful guys! And have been blessed to go out with some of them.. but it hasn't worked out yet.

I look forward to the day when it does. :) Even if it turns out to be YEARS down the road!

I'm gonna try to humble myself. Not try to figure out 'what's wrong with me'..... I'm going to spend my time becoming who God wants me to be, because I know that when the time is right he'll bring an amazing man into my life that I can learn from and serve for months and years to come. Someone to establish a family with!

I probably need to meet a couple more handfuls of guys that it won't work out with. So that I can better understand myself, how to communicate, and, most importantly, how to build a relationship on respect and love.

Until then, I'll keep on admiring this video ;)  

And praying that someday soon I'll be blessed..... 

to meet my future husband!

Because ya know what? I'll start things off simply. By just holdin' his hand <3

It's quite simple, really. I want to fall in love and start a family. I've had heartbreak and loss. But you know what? That'll make my love sweeter and deeper the next time. I can't even fathom what the love I'll have for my husband is like.. but I do know that it will be glorious.

Love,
D. J. Lathrop