(Not) A Date a Week

James has an advantage in his challenge. He's a guy. Although it is now socially acceptable for girls
to ask a guy out, most of us don't want to. (Myself included). And so, sometimes we are at the mercy
of men (even though we don’t want to be). Therefore, my time is meant to be spent getting a guy’s
interest, or so society says.

I stumble over my words when I talk to a cute guy OR I may talk endlessly about an inanimate object..
so my role in dating (as dictated by society) can be really hard.

I’ve never had anyone challenge me to go on a date a week.. and if they did, I’d tell them no! I know
that’s not realistic for me, nor do I want it to be. (Although a month or so ago I did have a pretty
busy month where I did go on a date every week). However, they were all group or double dates.
And at least one of them was a blind date (which I’m not opposed to).

So, let me provide some insight on James’ post, from the female perspective.

James wrote: "In my eyes, a date was when you get dressed up, wash the car, go to the store and
get flowers or chocolates, and then you go to the girl's house and pick her up. Then you take her
out to a nice dinner and to a movie.” My definition of a date is different and very simple. A date
is pre-planned, paired off, and paid for. What you do on the date should not be the main focus,
but rather getting to know and enjoy the company of your date.

Confession time…

Confession #1: I’ve been to dinner and a movie only one time for a date.

Confession #2: I’ve never been on the same type of date twice.

Confession #3: I usually ask the guy out. I get impatient and tired of waiting for him to as me out,
so I just blurt it out.

Confession #4: In my 9 years of dating, I’ve been asked out 4 times. And yet I’ve been on many
dates. Kinda eye opening, huh?

Confession #5: I have social anxiety. Sometimes it gets so bad that I come off as cold and
indifferent. This can be really frustrating, especially on dates.

I really like how James wrote about the spectrum of dating, especially about hanging out. When
I first started dating it seemed like hanging out was just becoming popular. Soon after, hanging
out was what everyone did and no one (or very few people) were going on dates.

James wrote: "Hanging out is a very broad term used to protect ourselves from any emotional
damage, because when you hang out there is no commitment or expectation from one person
to another. I see it as a person that is looking to go for a swim, but is testing the waters first to
make sure there is nothing too dangerous in the water.” This is very true. I’ve justified myself
many times, using these ideas. Not pursuing a guy or showing ‘too much’ interest, scared of
looking clingy or desperate. Perhaps many of us do this!

When I hang out with people I start to see who they really are; I glimpse their potential and
awesomeness! I’ve always told myself that I want to marry my best friend (I think we all do),
because a spouse should be someone that is your biggest support and someone that you can
support as well.

As I hang out and get to know people I better understand how I interact with and react to
different personalities and personality types. My favorite part about friendships? Learning
their quirks and loving them for it. Someone’s imperfection might be the thing that annoys
them the most, but it might be my favorite thing about them!

We learn so much about each other through friendships. And we get so comfortable. Not in
the sense of doing inappropriate things! But we grow to trust each other that we share things
and thoughts that we don’t share freely. We express our emotions, the good and the bad,
knowing that our friends are there to support us. And will love us, even on days when we’re
PMSing or being jerks. They’ll influence our lives and help us become who we need to be.

I hope that I get to marry my best friend. It sounds so cliche and straight out of a storybook,
but that’s my wish. I hope that as I meet people and build up friendships
that I will recognize that
the person I want to spend the rest of my life and eternity with will already be one of my friends.
(To my guy friends: if that scares you….. I’m not sorry! I am so lucky to know you, y'all have
already been an influence for good in my life. I kinda want to be selfish and claim one of you
as mine forever. But that sounds creepy, so.. moving on!)

Most of us are at a stage of life where dating and marriage should be a priority. Whether it be
actually going on dates, nurturing a relationship, or fortifying friendships, they all help us progress.
They’ll help us figure out characteristics that we do and do not want, in a spouse and in ourselves.

James talked a lot about finding his best friend in the girl that he will marry. Kinda crazy that I
came to the same conclusion, in a different way. And we both came to the conclusion that dating
and friendship goes hand-in-hand ;)

Friendships build us up. Hopefully a romantic relationship will as well! But, of course, neither
of these is instant. They both take time. I hate hearing people say that, but it’s true. Time is of the
essence. And so it is with dating.

I challenged a guy friend to do what James is doing (a date a week) and he accepted! Like I stated
earlier, going on a date a week is NOT realistic for me. However, I want to be in on this challenge
somehow. So, my goal is to go on 2 dates a month.

Do you think we can do it?

Wanna join us?!

We'll check in every so often to let you know how it's going! :)

Love,

D. J. Lathrop

What are your thoughts on dating? On James’ post?

Thank you for this reminder, Gilmore Girls! :)

Please provide any feedback, comments, or questions below!

Also, what topic should I write about next? :)