Breaking

I'm terrified of commitment.
Every aspect of the word and all kinds of relationships that it can be applied to.

I love easily. It's not hard for me to see the good in others, to glimpse their potential and awesomeness.

But I hate goodbyes. And they always come. Every important person in my life (aside from family) has left. Whether it be physically moving or simply moving on.

Every. person. left.
Friends. Love interests.

When I left Alaska earlier this year, I didn't say goodbye. I grew to love a lot of people. But I only said goodbye to my family.
The week or so preceding my move was really hard. I knew that my world was about to be turned upside down. I was leaving behind so many people that had been influential in my life.
My heart started breaking, knowing that their influence and presence in my life wouldn't continue, at least not how it currently was.
My only regret from my move is that I didn't say goodbye. It would have made it even harder to leave, but there would have been closure.

It's almost the end of this semester.. I'm going to have to say goodbye to some friends as they leave on missions, go away to school, move back home, etc. I've met some really amazing people! And some of them have become 'my tribe'.
But soon a few of them will leave.
My heart is already breaking. I'm going to try to handle things differently this time.. Tears have already started falling and my brain is saying to just leave, to let them go without a goodbye. Not this time..

Sometimes being a hypersensitive person sucks. Because I get so attached. However, it's also amazing, because I feel and understand so much.

Goodbyes are my least favorite part of friendships. But they're essential. I'm still trying to understand...

Love,
D. J. Lathrop